What's the Point?

This has been going on long enough now, I feel restless, I want to go back to the old normal, I want to make plans, see family and friends, get back to church. There are days when I feel this intensely, it can make getting up difficult in the morning, it can make doing anything hard. I am eating too much, watching too much TV and letting things go.

And yet, all around me I hear sounds of neighbours doing things: one has a massive building project and there’s  the sound of hammering, hauling and fixing, one is painting and doing lots of DIY, others are working in the garden, mowing, planting and watering, then there are families cycling by or walking, but somehow for me, today, the inertia has kicked in and I feel, what’s the point?

So I pray, hand those troubled feelings of loss and listlessness to God, ask him to help me deal with feeling this way.  

In the prayer time, mostly silence - well, God knows my feelings, he knows those hopeless thoughts of mine - I come to see, once again, that those around me are working in hope, looking to a future but working with the here and now that this time has given them, us, me.

As Julian of Norwich said; All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.

An Examen for Times when we are down or anxious

I pause (breathe in and out) and thank you for this day. For the challenges, the emotions, the struggle. For in all this, I grow closer to you.

I pause (breathe in and out) and ask that in the darkness, I see your light and in my fear, I feel your strength.

I pause (breathe in and out) and remember that today, As in days before, I can carry on. When I’ve wanted to run, I’ve stayed. When I wanted to hide, I’ve faced the day.

I pause (breathe in and out) and ask for forgiveness for the days I falter. I ask for compassion and love when I’m unable to give those to myself.

I pause (breathe in and out) and resolve to love myself more tomorrow. And always feel your spirit surround me in safety.

I pause (breathe in and out) and rest.      - By Erin Roush